I am writing today because it was my due date a year ago. I am still not pregnant and am still sad by it all. I thinks it is very clever how Heavenly Father lets us go through trials we never plan/expect to have. If someone told me when I was 24 I would have a miscarriage in the future and never be able to conceive for a long time after I would have laughed at them. That will never happen to me I can get pregnant so easily. Never say never I guess!
I think it really hits me when Evelyn asks me why we don't have a baby brother/sister for her. Last month as I was tucking her into bed she asked."Mom, how come you haven't had another baby yet?" I really want a baby brother, I already have a sister and I just want a baby. I looked at her and took a deep breath, "If Heavenly Father wants to send us another baby he will, but sometimes things don't come when we want them to come. I held back my tears before I left the room. I cry the most about it when I talk to my mom and sisters about it. Not much to Trent.
Trent could not be more supportive and awesome about it all. He calms me down and tells me "We should be so grateful we have the girls, if we don't have another at least we have them, maybe we will get another one. He is the best husband I could ask for. And such a great example to me of being positive.
I can't help but think about my good friend Nicole May who died Feb. 3rd 2002 suddenly from having the flu. We went and took flowers to her grave on her anniversary. I think that the first week in Feb. will always be a little hard because of those two things. I can't imagine the pain and heartache her mother feels every year on Feb. 3rd.
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