Confession Time. . . .A little negative sorry....

1) Confession....I am lazy and don't take the time to blog. I feel like no one reads my blog....so ya. Well, I have to keep telling myself my posts are for my kids in the future.
2) Confession...I feel like I don't measure up sometimes...well a lot. As a mother/wife/homemaker/. Being a mom is well hard. But that is life. I can't keep up on anything laundry, dishes, dusting...if your a mom I know I am just telling you stuff you already know.
3) Confession....DEATH scares me!!Two people from our valley died this week, they were both male. Really sad for their families. Life is short. Sometimes I tell myself to live differently ya know more in the moment of life. Hope to accomplish this more often:)
4) Confession....EVERYTHING is bothering me in my house lately, the bland colors of my front room, my pathetic couch I HATE to sit on. I need to paint the girls closets. Tax returns please come soon so I can throw my sectional out the window. My popcorn ceiling...oh boy how I hate it. Trying to decide if I should just man up and remove it myself or hire someone, or try to cover it up with some boards....uhh I just can't leave it. Must. change. soon!!
5) Confession....I wish more people were willing to try out my Pilates class. I know it is not as fun as Zumba and you work hard but it can still be fun. I am grateful for all who come and absolutely love it. That is all.
Confession....I wish I could do more photography jobs. I really love it too. I have a photography love, and a Pilates love and enjoy both so much. But can't seem to give up either one.
Confession...I want a BABY....a baby is on my mind. Particularly a BOY, and name him Hudson Todd Leavitt. I dream about him. Hudson is getting more and more popular ya know. And when I hear someone who I know name their boy that it well breaks my heart. Somehow I feel a little boy would round out our family nicely!**But, if I had another girl I would know it was my Heavenly Fathers plan too.  It is hard not being pregnant when I am so close to when I was due with my 3rd baby. Feb. 5th is going to be here fast and it will be a very bitter sweet day for me. I know that having a 3rd will change my life and ruin my very toned body and make me depressed about my body for months and force me to stop teaching Pilates for some time.  And while I feel scared to go through it all again....I crave it so badly as well. It is time, it was time last June when I lost my baby so it really is now more than ever. I feel like I have had a great journey through it all and really respect all those woman who have miscarriages and try and try month after month to get prego with no luck. I can tell you when I am prego again I won't be telling for a while. So, if I every look bloated or prego please don't ask. I will tell when I am ready :) Ahh feels better to blog out my feelings. I am never this negative. Just feels good to get out my feelings ya know.
6) Confession... Evelyn and I clash big time lately. She loves talking back and well I don't love her doing it. I have to watch myself and not really lose it . But, I can't believe some of the stuff she says sometimes. She never ever wants to just sit and relax. and when Lyla is sleeping I want to relax, and she gets so mad. She has a sweet side too don't get me wrong.
7) Confession..... Lyla refuses to leave the house, she loves home. Which is fine however I need to do stuff in my life. So, usually I drag her out of the house crying. And she is into the I want to do everything myself stage.She wants nothing to do with potty training....oh well I am not gonna fight her about it right now.
8)Confession..... I would love to not have any cat/dog/animal allergies. I am
getting tired of getting/having allergies and not being able to visit with people that I love. It is so frustrating. So, if  I ever leave your house abruptly and you have animals inside please don't take it personal. I pray that my girls are not allergic too. Trying to recover from 2 visits 2 days in a row....it's rough and my body isn't so forgiving.
9) Confession....I can not get my butt into bed before 11 every night. I always find some dumb thing to occupy me. It is rather lame. I think I just love being able to think about my life in the quiet.
10) I wish I had more will power with food. I eat chocolate a lot. The End.